I'm not saying the tip is rubbish

I’m not saying the tip is rubbish; it’s as good as any other if tipping is your thing.

In fact if you are not from the area I must tell you that our tip is the one tourist attraction visited by more people than any of the other sightseeing amazements in town.

I can’t think of one at the moment but I’m sure there is a good one. The tip is busier on a sunny day than the busiest pub.

You could describe it as a mucky museum, but Ms Nomates says it would have to compete with my house for National Trust status.

She insists that my house is a tip, but just a lot smaller. I always say it wouldn’t be if she would move in.

You can spend a great deal of time searching through the exhibits donated by residents and learn how folk once lived.

One attendant who believes he is the head curator of the exhibition centre is my favourite reason to visit for all the wrong reasons.

He guards the exhibits so that no one steals any and by doing so dares to make space for new displays.

Does he believe they should be interned like buried treasure only to be dug up in the future, for others to wonder at the time capsule he has preserved in black plastic bags?

I am positive our hero is a lovely husband and father and only changes when he arrives at work, dons his uniform and collects his clipboard.

I’ve always said, ‘if you want to change a man give him a badge, a pencil, a clipboard and a fancy title’. It works every time.

It’s a wonder women have not yet capitalised on this phenomenon, after all they all want to change ‘us men’ don’t they?

Should it be ‘we men’, not ‘us men’? My grammar is rubbish.

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