I was against Elton John adopting a baby

It is for that very reason that I kept my mouth shut over the Elton John baby story.

You have to let the dust settle. I just hope his gaff isn’t full of dust with a new baby in the place.

I was dead against it, and before anyone gets their knickers in a twist and jumps to the wrong conclusion, it is not because he is gay.

I hate to bash minority groups. I am in one.

If you are a Nomates you are by definition in a group of one and one is definitely a minority.

He wanted to become a father at the age of 63, but I am sorry, Elton, what you have become is a granddad. His partner David is young enough to be his son.

How can you explain in later life the bizarre circumstances in which the poor child was brought in to this world?

It said in the paper that it took two mothers to make the baby. What a complicated affair!

Whatever happened to the simple life?

Boy meets girl, they have hanky panky and end up on the Jeremy Kyle show doing a DNA test because neither of them knows who the real father is.

Who knows if any money changes hands in these convoluted affairs? Is trading in eggs moral?

I don’t know. I know that chickens give theirs so the rest of us can enjoy a full English while they survive on a bag of corn in a lifetime.

You just have to open any paper to be led to believe that buying a child is almost on a par with buying a Gucci handbag.

My advice is to go for the bag, it eats less and you never find a ‘poop’ in it.

Ms Nomates will leave chocolate in hers in the back window of the car and by the time we reach where we’re going, the hot sun will ensure it resembles ‘poop’.

Has designing babies become the future?

If so, make them so they can walk at birth and save on the pram.

Have we really reached a stage when money can buy people? I’m playing devil’s advocate here.

Who has got it right? I think some children want to be bought. Don’t look so shocked.

Have you got kids yourself? If so you will recognise this conversation. ‘Will you help me to weed the garden please?’ ‘How much are you going to pay me?’ ‘Could you tidy your room?’ ‘I could if you make it worth my while.’ ‘I hate you, all the other kids get more pocket money’. Do we have to pay for our kids to do anything with us?

It is bad enough that we have to buy pets never mind kids. Nobody gives away a pedigree do they?

If anybody wants to purchase a big baby who would give you a dog’s life I want it known that I am for sale.

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here