'Northwich' sounds as though a witch from the north might have settled here

I do. Place names also hold a fascination.

For example Northwich sounds as though a witch from the north might have settled here, and no I am not referring to Ms Nomates so no cheap jokes please.

Anyway, she is not from the north, she is from another planet.

Crewe could be where crews of seafarers might seek employment on galleons but it’s a devil of a job to paddle in Crewe.

Blackpool sounds dour and if you have ever been there, you might agree that it has seen better days. You might stoke the fires in Stoke to bake the pot throwers’ creations.

If North Wales had piles they would be in Rhyl.

It sounds like nothing and there is nothing there so save your petrol. Afghanistan, Kazakhstan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Turkmenistan, and Uzbekistan are all countries where our Stan goes on holiday.

He goes to Pakistan to sample the great spicy food, but Pakistan appears to have a different meaning.

It translates to ‘a country that spends its own money on jets, subs and nuclear weapons, yet still wants Britain to borrow more money to chip in while we are cutting back on our own armed forces’.

What a spice they have!

Then we have Portugal, which, if you say it with your eyes closed, creates an image of ‘a gull flying over a port’.

I see Ms Nomates and I sitting in the sunshine at a small café enjoying a salad washed down with a glass of Portinho do Covo Branco.

Small fishing boats create a ballet by dancing upon the waves just for our pleasure. Sardines sunbathe on the barbecue covered in olive oil and herbs to be freshly cooked for our delectation.

But alas Portugal means ‘another country which has been mismanaged and expects Britain to borrow more money and go in to more debt, while inflicting pain on it’s own limp and lame, to relieve yet another European failure’. What is wrong with these people? Can nobody run a country?

Is not one European country debt free? Where does all the money go? Who lends them all the money?

And what do our own successive governments do? They hand over everything to the super race of Europeans to manage it.

This master race abides in a province called Cretinia. This is where the Cretins live. They have almost dictatorial powers and are charged with the responsibility of squandering our money. Do you ever ponder on what it is they squander it?

Here’s a very good idea. Why don’t we fill our own pensioners’ purses and wallets with a small fortune and pack them off to Pakistan and Portugal.

They can sit at foreign tables enjoying a biryani or summer salad washed down with Murree beer or a glass of Portinho do Covo Branco while fishing boats create a ballet by dancing upon the waves.

At least those that have paid in to our system can feel some benefit and comfort while assisting our neighbours.

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