Making a pig’s ear of everything

They are trying to break our country in bits and sell what’s left although I believe they might have climbed down from selling our trees (see what I did there?

They have been riding roughshod over our own paid-up citizens in an attempt to reduce us all to a community of jobless beggars.

We have to hand over our cash and credit to ‘good causes’ while neglecting our own people.

When will they stop putting their hands in our pockets?

We are the poor country. We’re broke. On a positive note, we are to some extent safe. Nobody will invade us, after all why would they? There is nothing left to take.

We are drowning in our own tsunami of debt. So what does every leader need to take folks minds off their own problems? Trouble somewhere else that’s what. How lucky are David Cameron and Nick Clegg eh?

How fortuitous that Gaddafi goes bananas and throws a wobbler? It’s probably something caused by a chemical reaction due to inhaling too much oil.

We British can again be the heroes and save his people. We can’t save our own so let’s save somebody else’s.

I have seen pictures of Gaddafi and Blair almost snogging they were so close.

Surely Cameron is not talking about some sort of action because he thinks it’s one in the eye for Labour? Even he can’t be that brain dead.

He thinks we the British people will hail him as a people’s champion if he charges in to save lives. I’ll make you a promise.

If he and Clegg go in on a camel to lead the charge, I will sit behind him, about 1,500 miles behind him to be precise or to put in another way about 880,000 camels behind. (You have to work it out) Maybe they have something that goes a little faster there, like a rocket? I’m not one to give advice. ‘Not half!’ Don’t interrupt me Ms Nomates! I’m not one to give advice. ‘Yes you are. You’re always sticking your nose where it’s not wanted, amongst other things’.

Look she’s doing it again! Can somebody gag that woman please? If Cameron and Clegg want to take her with them for a holiday in Tripoli, I won’t mind.

Poor old Gaddafi wouldn’t know what hit him. If they want to bring her back that’s a different matter.

He might take her prisoner and put her to work cleaning his camels.

Not very nice. Lots of hissing and spitting. Still, the camels would have to get used to it. I feel like Ronnie Corbett, who can’t get to the end of his story.

If I were to give our leaders, Batman and Robin, some advice it would be this. Don’t go for the oil. Go for the camels. They go for miles and miles on a few gallons of water. Just have wheels fitted and the job’s a good’n.

Our ridiculous petrol prices won’t matter then.

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here