National Coronation (Street) Day

Why does adversity always seem to descend upon the Yuletide anniversary. Tragedy struck in our own neighbourhood and we both hope that the Government will respond as they do everywhere else in the world when there is a national disaster; do the right thing and have a national Coronation Day.

Coronation Street will never be the same.

The problem with misfortune is that it attracts comedic comment quicker than flies on you know what.

I shouldn’t find anything funny should I?

But can you imagine the excitement at being offered a role in the world’s finest soap opera on the planet only to discover you are to be the fall guy who would be hated as much as the Luftwaffe for demolishing half the street with a tram and killing Ashley and Molly?

Still it’s better than food poisoning from one of Ashley’s pies I suppose.

No sooner had we come to terms with Jack Duckworth dying when a crazy tram driver goes completely off the rails.

Good God man, how can you crash a blinking tram? It’s on lines.

You should have read your lines properly and just gone from A to B in said tram.

I suspect foul play.

I think he thought: ‘I know what to do to build my part, I’ll take a sharp left and create mayhem. They’re bound to feature me then’.

Television loves bad boys. I suspect they got him as an extra on the cheap from am dram. What have I always said about actors? They are very competitive people.

Jack should have died peacefully but oh no. Someone had to put a spanner in the otherwise peaceful Duckworth demise.

He found out that Kevin the grease monkey was the real father of Tyrone and Molly’s baby.

We might ask the question, why would Kevin play away when he had the lovely Sally at home? Let’s face it if anybody could make a pie and keep a man happy it was Sally Webster and we never saw her in the takeaway did we?

I’m not saying Molly wasn’t good in the kitchen but she might have saved everybody a lot of trouble if she had given Kevin something on a plate instead of something in a pram.

Come to think of it, she did give it to him on a plate.

So to sum up, we have an am dram on a tram and a pram in the wrong place.

I wonder what odds Peter Barlow gave himself on getting out alive. Being a bookie it must surely have crossed his mind.

Maybe the 50th anniversary should have been called Carry On Corrie because half the street has been carrying on.

The year of Our Lord 2010 will be remembered as a real Coronation ‘Annus Horribilis’.

Readers who submit articles must agree to our terms of use. The content is the sole responsibility of the contributor and is unmoderated. But we will react if anything that breaks the rules comes to our attention. If you wish to complain about this article, contact us here